He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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