um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
