ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
