I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
