It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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