i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
