my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
