I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
