the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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