im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
