Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
