This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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