just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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