i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
