I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
