It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
