i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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