just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
