he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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