I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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