Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
