man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
