good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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