I'm gonna have a badass scar
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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