i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
