Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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