Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
