we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
