So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
