Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
