Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So many bounce houses so little time
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
