Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
