My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
