Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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