dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
