i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Enjoy the penises
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
