I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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