he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
