Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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