Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
