You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
