her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
