I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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