And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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