either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
