Im at strip club and am horny
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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