My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
