??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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