Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
