So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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