When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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