They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
