using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
