my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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